Let’s start at the beginning.
The thing about perfection is that it’s not possible, right?
That is either going to seem like the most obvious statement in the world, ever.
Or it’s going to seem like a call to action.
For some of my clients it’s a call to action.
They strive to “fix” things in their lives and strive for everything to look and be just “so”.
Of course, that means they can never really relax and enjoy anything, because those moments of “just-so-ness” are so few and far between.
I’ve had clients tell me they admire the main character in the movie Black Swan because she seeks perfection. It progressively drives her mad, of course, but at least she tries, they tell me (do you agree?)
I’ve also had clients tell me it’s stupid that things can’t be perfect, and that they’re not sure it’s true they can’t anyway, because they have seen it happen, momentarily, and it seems like a good idea to keep working towards it (do you agree?)
I hardly ever challenge anyone’s world view, as Kinesiology is about you getting connected to yourself, clearing your blocks and helping create clarity for you about what you think and feel, it’s not about what I do or don’t think. However if it comes up in your session that a particular view, belief or attitude is creating stress or internal or external conflict, I’ll certainly ask some questions to help you clarify what you think and where it comes from.
And the big question: Is it working for you?
If it is, and you’re happy and well, carry on. If you decide it’s not working for you, then I’ll work with you (including challenging you on related beliefs) to shift it.
The problem with trying to make things perfect.
A lot of physical and mental tension is required to pursue perfection. If you push yourself to be perfect, you might also create adrenal fatigue. Usually there is something underlying our need for perfection, for example it might be our subconscious way of feeling in control.
Personally, I suspect we can notice moments of perfection in our lives, but I’m not sure that we really can create it by fixing everything. It requires so much energy and if we’re constantly focused on what isn’t right, when perfect moments we’ve worked towards arrive, we won’t necessarily enjoy them anyway.
We’ll probably just worry that they won’t stay that way.
Focused on perfection?
- Try just noticing what is, without trying to change it
- Look to notice what is RIGHT about you and situations, rather than what is wrong
- Notice when you’re feeling the urge to fix things or yourself, and ask yourself what is really going on? Often trying to make things perfect is really to do with control, or fear, and a desire to make yourself feel safe and secure
- Look at where the pattern comes from. Sometimes there might be a childhood connection where family events led to feelings of not being in control or needing to take on excessive responsibility
- Brainstorm: what is the worst case scenario for what will happen if you don’t keep trying to make things perfect (eg if I’m not holding things together, everything will completely fall apart and be a complete disaster is the type of fear that underpins this behaviour, get specific and go deep)
- Once you’ve found some of the underpinning fears, this is a great time to do some EFT. You might try: Even though…
- It’s my responsibility to hold everything together
- I have to be perfect
- It’s wrong to let things go
- I must be in control
- If I don’t try to be perfect then my whole life will fall apart … I deeply and completely love myself.
What are your thoughts on perfection? I’d love to hear!
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