Attracting a relationship you desire.

Loving yourself and feeling great about your life is always the best place to start if you wish to attract a wonderful, fulfilling relationship. If you want a great relationship but it’s from a place of need or desperation, ie I NEED someone to support me, I’m sick of being by myself, I’m running out of TIME according to my own timeline, body clock or societal expectations … it just doesn’t seem to work.

In my Kinesiology practice I work with many female entrepreneurs and often we focus on business related goals. However I support these clients and many other high achieving women (and some men) to align to a wide range of goals, many of which are personal. One common reason people may choose to work with me is that they’d like to attract a new relationship and they’d like to a) clear relationship patterns and pain from the past, b) align to attracting the relationship they do desire.

I tend to encourage my clients to focus on feeling good in themselves and attracting great people and experiences. Notice what you ARE attracting and aim for positive experiences and interactions – of all kinds. Say NO to what you don’t want and move on. Be clear. If it’s not feeling good, let it go. Never try to convince someone else of your value. Know you’re worthy of what you DO desire. Expect you’ll find it. Accept the time line is out of your control. Have FUN. Enjoy where you’re at now.

In Kinesiology sessions we focus on identifying and releasing your specific blocks and aligning to your specific goals and intentions. However there are certain practices and tools I find myself recommending time and time again and I want to share them with you.

Also, I now have an awesome relationship package which includes Kinesiology with me, two online workshops in November 2015 and some other amazing tools, check it out here.

Releasing wounding from damaging relationships

Sometimes you might recognise you have some deep healing work to do before you’ll feel ready to attract a relationship you truly desire. For clients who have experienced damaging or abusive relationships, attracted partners who have cheated, partners who are unavailable, or any other kind of undesirable pattern, I encourage them to take a look at Melanie Tonia Evan’s Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program.

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Melanie does specialise in healing from relationships where one person has signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but her program helps to heal deep wounding related to relationships and I think it can be used more broadly, especially when you’ve become aware that your own wounds and patterns seem to be attracting undesirable relationships.

Releasing energetic attachments to past partners

If you’ve had some negative past relationship experiences, or you just like the idea of releasing the energy of past partners, including short liaisons, you might like the idea of using a ritual to release the past. Sara Brooke of The Space in Between has a powerful womb cleansing ritual practice for releasing energetic attachments to past sexual partners.

Womb cleansing ritual

“This is a sacred soul medicine process for clearing any old limiting energetic ties that you are holding in your womb space that are binding you to people you have been sexually intimate with over your lifetime. When we don’t tend to our womb space over time these imprints of stagnant energy can build up and cause disharmony in the womb and sacral chakra.

This is a simple, yet incredibly powerful practice for you to be your own healer and reclaim your sovereignty and to bring the creative energy of your womb into balance.”

She also has a womb blessing ritual. I highly recommend both.

Relationship grid work with Esther Hicks

Esther Hicks is a channel for a group of beings called “Abraham”. One of the concepts she shares is the notion of being in the flow or “in the vortex.” The way they describe it is that everything you desire is already IN your vortex. You have already put it there, whenever you’ve focused on what feels good for you, what you love and what you desire. YOUR only job is to get into your vortex and stay there – that’s where the good stuff is!

You can’t have what you want when you’re outside of your vortex, ie it doesn’t tend to work to stamp your feet and feel angry, confused or frustrated that you’re not in a wonderful relationship (with yourself and another) and rage at God/The Universe/others and take that energy with you when you’re out, meeting new people or dating.

HOWEVER, when you’re in your vortex, ie just carrying out your life, enjoying yourself, meeting people, feeling open, loving your hobbies and friends, having fun with your dating experiences, well, who knows how long it will take to meet someone, but it barely matters. Your energy is pretty magnetic when you’re in that energy, so the experiences and people you attract in are likely to be positive and life-affirming.

I have posted this Relationship grid work video on my Facebook page several times and people have always raved. I have also shared it multiple times with clients who are seeking a wonderful relationship. I’ve had quite a few people contact me later and say they have since started a new relationship and felt listening to the audio in this video really helped them to get into the right mental and emotional space to attract a relationship of ease and flow that they desire.

Esther also describes a process of focusing on what you have REALLY liked in past relationships. Get a notebook and write a past partner at the top of the page. Even though you may now see many flaws in that person and the relationship you shared, list all the things you DID like about them. Do this for all your significant past relationships. If you’re dating, keep adding to the list for new people you meet. Even if you just go on one coffee date, try to find some things you did really like about the person and add them to your list. With this focus, you’re adding more and more positive things to your vortex.

Calling in the One

The book Calling in the One was originally introduced to me via a client, and I’ve gone on to recommend it to many clients myself. It works well along with the relationship grid work video – all about getting yourself in the vibration of the relationship you desire.

“Based on the Law of Attraction, which is the concept that we can only attract what we’re ready to receive, the provocative yet simple seven-week program in Calling in “The One” prepares you to bring forth the love you seek.

For each of the 49 days of Thomas’s thoughtful and life-affirming plan, there is a daily lesson, a corresponding practice, and instruction for putting that lesson into action in your life. Meditation, visualisation, and journaling exercises will gently lead you to recognise the obstacles on your path to love and provide ways to steer around them.”

One key reminder in the book – the deep love you desire might come in a different form to what you expect. The person may be older or younger. They might have a different career path than you imagined your partner might. They might have some interests that are really different to yours. They mightn’t look like your “usual” type. You might choose to focus on how you want to feel ABOUT this person and IN the relationship, and be open to the details (others say to be ultra-specific with massive long lists – just do what feels GOOD to you.)

I think the book is great. The only hesitation I had with this book was the focus on finding a husband. The woman who wrote the book was specifically wanting to call in a husband and get married by a certain time (which did occur). I am wary of attaching to any external goal as a key to happiness. Of course the desire for marriage may represent deep life-long commitment or similar, and that is beautiful. My hesitation is around any sense of “worth” being tied up with the “achievement” of such a goal.

You are of course inherently worthy and valuable whether you do or do not attract the relationship you desire, or get married.

Final advice

Try not to get hung up on whether a seemingly wonderful new person you have met IS the One. That will be revealed in time. Notice: Are your values aligned? How are they with your family and friends? Do you feel heard by them? Do you feel like they SEE you? Do you feel like you can relax and be yourself with this person? Is this person good for YOU?

How do you FEEL when you’re with this person? How do you feel afterwards? Feelings override tick boxes and how the person LOOKS on paper EVERY TIME. If someone seems like they SHOULD be right for you but you leave your interactions feeling needy, vulnerable or yuck about yourself, we’re going to go ahead and call that a red flag. MOVE ON! Who knows what’s really going on, but the right person for you will make you feel safe and comfortable. Of course you are responsible for feeling those things within yourself, but your relationships should ENHANCE your life, not detract.

And remember – if you do attract someone who seems wonderful but it doesn’t work out – celebrate the qualities that you enjoyed in that relationship, and affirm that you’re on the path to attracting something even more aligned to what you desire.

Do you want to align to attracting a wonderful relationship? You can book in for a Kinesiology session right here.

What happens once you’ve done the work?

Like Elizabeth Gilbert says in this excerpt of an interview with Oprah – you can be ready to blossom into a woman (or man for that matter) who attracts a man who treats you beautifully. You learn how to treat yourself so well, on your own, that when someone comes along who treats you well you recognise what that feels like, because you’ve been doing it to yourself for so long. Oh, yes.

Elizabeth Gilbert

Over to you, have you attracted a wonderful relationship? Was there anything specific you did that you believe helped you get into the great mindset to do so?

If you're an entrepreneur and would love to learn how to align your energy and attract more clients, check out Kerry's group program: Align + Attract

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