How do you sabotage yourself?
As we work towards our goals and intentions, it is very common that we might find we sabotage ourselves.
We might start to better our health, and then binge on junk food.
We might decide to get fit, feel on track for a while and then find ourselves drinking a bottle of wine at night rather than going out for a walk or run.
In business, we might fall into doubt or even despair when little things go wrong, and stop taking action.
We might struggle on and avoid seeking support, or we don’t follow through on courses or programs we start.
Or we may even find that when really big and exciting things do happen, another area of our lives seems to fall apart.
Why does this happen?
According to Gay Hendricks, author of The Big Leap, we each have an internal thermostat that determines how much love, abundance and success we believe we are worthy of, or that is our norm.
When we go above that, we will “Upper Limit” ourselves. A term he uses to mean we’ve hit our ceiling. We might fear that this positive phase can’t last, sabotage ourselves in some way, or we don’t allow ourselves to enjoy our successes.
I first learnt about this book and term in Denise Duffield-Thomas’ Lucky B Money Bootcamp, which I highly recommend.
I see this with clients a lot, particularly when there has been a lot of drama or unhappiness in childhood, at a time when we’re developing many of our subconscious beliefs about what is “normal” in life. However we all do it to some degree.
Let me give you some examples of what upper limiting ourselves might look like.
- Growing up with violent or alcoholic parents and going on to create success yourself, but still having lots of drama around you
- Growing up with low self-worth and now creating success, but sabotaging yourself by over-spending or drinking
- Having to take on excess responsibility while young due to an absent, depressed or alcoholic parent, and now creating success but not being able to enjoy it
- Experiencing tragedy or loss as a child and now experiencing lots of positivity and success but constantly worrying about what will go wrong
- Feeling like every time something amazing happens, something negative follows to bring you straight back down to earth
- When something good happens in your life you end up having an argument with your partner or someone else for no apparent reason
- Feeling like you have to choose between good things in your life – ie money OR work you love, success OR a relationship, career OR family (or whatever combination, but feeling like you can’t “have it all”)
These are all variations of the types of things that my clients have described, or that we’ve identified as a pattern in Kinesiology sessions.
The Big Leap says there are four false hidden barriers that may be triggered if you seem to be experiencing more happiness, love, abundance or success than you internally feel comfortable with. That’s what’s happening in these examples.
The four false hidden barriers that can cause us to sabotage ourselves.
According to Hendricks, we each have between one and three of these hidden barriers. Which are yours?
- Feeling fundamentally flawed – feeling like there is something wrong with you, deep down
- Disloyalty and abandonment – feeling like you might end up alone if you become really successful, and like you may have broken your family’s spoken or unspoken rules about success/money/love to get where you are (leading to guilt)
- Believing that more success brings a bigger burden – believing you’re a burden in some way, or that success is going to bring more hard work or heartache
- The crime of outshining – feeling like if we become as successful as we’re capable of, we might make someone else (or a group) look bad, so we hold ourselves back
The first step is to notice what your individual blocks or barriers are. Just saying “that’s me upper limiting myself” when you notice a certain behaviour can help break the habit.
Gay Hendricks shares a great affirmation you may like to reinforce for yourself:
“I expand in love, success, happiness and abundance every day, as I inspire those around me to do the same.”
What can you do about it? I can help. In this one-hour webinar, I talked about sabotage AND shared some great energy tools you can use to help shift self-sabotage and create more alignment.
Kinesiology sessions are a great way to address subconscious blocks, find out where they’re coming from (if you’re not sure) and help you create increasing levels of success, happiness and abundance in your life.
If you’re in business, and would like to learn how to create powerful levels of alignment, check out my group program: Align + Attract. It’s enrolling now!