Feelings of shame are hard to admit
We’d often prefer not to admit to these kinds of feelings. We might feel ok to say we’re uncomfortable about something, or that we felt awkward or nervous.
But shame? It just seems too … horrid.
Here’s the thing:
We all experience shame.
Shame is the feeling behind thoughts such as:
- “I’m not good enough”
- “I’ll just act like everything is ok”
- “I worry about what others think of me”
- “I’m not thin enough/in control enough/happy enough/successful enough”
- “I can never tell anyone…”
Now does it sound more familiar?
Here’s her talk on shame:
Here are the three things Brene Brown says you need to know about shame:
1. We all have it. Shame is universal and one of the most primitive human emotions that we experience. The only people who don’t experience shame lack the capacity for empathy and human connection.
2. We’re all afraid to talk about shame.
3. The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives.
The Gifts of Imperfection, p38.
Brene’s description of shame is “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”
So, how do you actually deal with shame when it comes up?
One of the main things Brene recommends is to talk about what’s making you feel shame. When you talk about it, shame loses it’s power. She doesn’t advise just telling anyone our shame stories. It must be someone we can trust.
I think talking about “shameful” events and feelings is probably one of the big reasons why my clients will so often feel so much better, and lighter, after a Kinesiology session.
Often in a session, my clients voice some of their biggest fears. Sometimes things they’ve never told anyone else. Emotions such as feeling unlovable, deserted, rejected, ruined might come up – emotions that we may not otherwise admit to feeling.
And yet: through exploring and verbalising our darkness and our blocks we gain access to a freedom we never would have otherwise experienced.
Can I skip that step?
Sometimes, we might feel that we’d rather skip the step where we talk about our fears, our blocks or what makes us feel vulnerable.
Here’s what Brene has to say:
We don’t want to be uncomfortable. We want a quick and dirty “how-to” list for happiness…
I’d love to skip over the hard stuff, but it just doesn’t work. We don’t change, we don’t grow and we don’t move forwards without the work.
If we really want to live a joyful, connected and meaningful life, we must talk about the things that get in the way (p35).
That’s what Kinesiology sessions are great at doing, providing a safe and non-judgmental space to share our true feelings and to help process them.
We’re always working towards creating what it is you want in your life, but the blocks that prevent you having that will certainly come to the surface to be cleared so you can get there.
What about you, any tips for dealing with things that make you feel uncomfortable?