Being in alignment doesn’t always mean that everything in your life is going smoothly. Sometimes it simply means that you are actively working on your own stuff as best you can in the face of challenge.
Back a few years ago, quite a lot of things in my personal life seemed very challenging.
My partner at the time had a very different financial philosophy to mine (he was highly risk happy, I am quite risk averse) and after years of apparent stability, seemed to change in personality and behaviour, and lost multiple jobs, amongst other things. Subsequently me and my lovely business (already my full time source of income at the time) took on more and more financial responsibility in an attempt to create a sense of day-to-day stability and security. There was some good learning in that, but the underlying issues remained.
This all happened around the time I’d been thinking we’d start a family, but instead of creating the life I imagined, we moved through one challenge only to encounter more challenge. The right time to start a family certainly did not appear, and my body rebelled when I tried to head down that path. What was unfolding was far from the way I thought my life was going to play out. So far, so dismal, ha!
So what did I do?
I learnt about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, tried not to treat life like a problem to be solved, definitely did wonder at times, why is it so damn hard? and tried to avoid re-creating adrenal fatigue, which I now recognise I originally created as I focused on working hard to avoid looking at other stressors in my life.
I got as much support as I possibly could, including Kinesiology sessions, and focused on what was in my control. I didn’t yet understand I was living with dysfunction, over-functioning, and I didn’t understand what Narcissistic Personality Disorder was, or that I trying to manage a situation that could not be solved, by me.
No matter what, I was absolutely doing my best.
I was certainly walking my talk and using all the tools at my disposal to navigate.
The situation I was in was one of the reasons I decided to work on my own money blocks with Denise Duffield-Thomas a few years ago, and also via Kinesiology. It’s great if I can help clients resolve their money blocks, but if I had seen my own blocks and then stayed in a fearful, negative or limited state around money myself, that shows a lack of alignment. It was probably my fears of money that led me into a situation with someone who had such a vastly different approach to me and saw some of my biggest fears around money start to come to fruition. My fears led me to not to want to look, and that situation gave me the gift of HAVING to look.
As that situation dramatically and thankfully unravelled, I began an intense and protracted phase of healing, which I definitely recommend if you’ve found yourself in an incredibly challenging situation, or when life has taken a drastic and unexpected turn. I don’t believe you will ever regret the time and energy you take to deeply care for yourself through such a time. There was no doubt that all the tools I had developed, and all the support I allowed myself served me well, and enabled me to move through the immense challenge with some degree of grace, but it certainly wasn’t fun.
In it all, I wondered what my message really was. It felt like my message was: Life is really hard. And I have tools that will help you.
I felt a bit deflated.
It seemed so dark.
I wished my message could be, you know, lighter. A bit more fun, perhaps.
More flower crowns, more sparkle, more joy.
Much less challenge.
Of course I realise what an incredibly powerful message that is. Far out, when you’re in challenge, you do want to know there are ways you can support yourself. And if you’re teaching skills to navigate, and supporting others through challenge, the extent to which you’ve navigated your own dark night of the Soul can allow you to meet others in their own darkness and challenge more deeply, and perhaps with greater empathy.
There was no doubt that the tools I shared with others were those I had used with myself, and there was also no doubt that they helped, enormously.
I didn’t want to believe that life was really hard.
But the truth was, in the last few years of that relationship and in the immediate aftermath, despite my natural positivity, it absolutely was.
There are so many gifts that I gained from that time, including a sense of true self-worth (not just in theory, but backed up by action), boundaries, communication, changes in my expectations and what I would accept and tolerate in my life from others. Excellent lessons which I’m grateful for. I’m also grateful for the gift of that relationship as I believe it was a soul contract which needed to play out so I could learn what I needed to learn.
Truth: those mega-strong past life connections that you so deeply feel in some relationships do NOT always result in a happy ending in the traditional sense.
The fact the divorce went through on the date of the wedding anniversary felt to finalise that soul contract in a beautiful bow.
When you’re in one phase of your life, in that case, one of moving through challenge, it’s hard to imagine it will ever end. And then it does. That can be a strange feeling in itself.
These days my life does feel very different; it feels very easy.
There is a lot of MAGIC.
The stories I tell in my personal life are about the crazy-specific messages I get from my guides, often through distance Reiki healings I do for myself, or through messages when I’m deeply relaxed – that then come true. Of predictive dreams. Of synchronicity.
Of being surrounded by incredible clients, and participants in my Align + Attract program, and launches that are bigger than I aligned to. Of getting the inspiration to write a book and within a week I’ve started and have engaged a book-writing coach. Of attracting a love-relationship (one year old now) that is incredibly easy and flowing, with someone very down-to-earth, fun, loving and light-hearted. A super-Aussie seeming and sounding Tradie on the outside, who loves my stories about what my guides are telling me, believes he manifested me, and looks at me like maybe I am magic.
Equally, this phase has taken some getting used to. How can you learn to trust that your life is unfolding according to your deepest desires, without effort or attachment? How do you tell stories of magic?
I’ve been thinking about this.
For as low as we can plunge to the depths of a dark night of a Soul is surely as high as we can rise.
And yet so often we become fearful in times of ease and flow, that somehow it will all be taken away in an instant. Of course, unexpected challenges arise. But our worry does not prevent this, so why dim the pleasure and ease of these times?
Over the past couple of years, I’ve been learning about what it means to be in alignment during times of greater ease.
I received this mantra on repeat at a yoga and meditation retreat I attended with my Mum and sister,
“You’ve travelled to the darkness, will you step into the light?”
Yes, I have stepped in. I am starting to share stories of magic. Of blessings received. Stories about my relationship with my guides that might spark something in someone else that is beneficial. Magical tales of alignment that I see unfold for many of the participants in Align + Attract, who tell me that deeply focusing on alignment changes their life, well beyond what they imagined, just as it has for me.
Collectively, there is much around us that can contribute to a sense of fear, worry, instability and insecurity.
Maybe, it’s time for some magic.