How can you let go of anger?

Posted on May 13, 2012 by kerry
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Dealing with our uncomfortable emotions

Often in Kinesiology sessions, emotions like anger, resentment or bitterness will come up.

We all feel these emotions at different times but often don’t want to… so instead we’ll deny, suppress, stuff them down and they’ll come out in other ways.

We might find ourselves feeling frustrated at small things or snap at those we love without really knowing why.

It can build up over time if we don’t address it

Sometimes the anger and frustration builds to a point where it can’t be suppressed anymore.

It might feel that there are so many things we’re angry about, or want to let go of.

We’re totally aware of it, but we might not know what to actually do about it.

Your anger may be directed at a particular person or people. Deep down, you might know that if you actually expressed how you felt, however justified, you’d do more harm than good.

Or it might be that your anger is directed at someone you definitely can’t express it to – a boss, for example.

The anger might be directed at a situation that’s not in your control, or on behalf of someone else. There might not actually be anyone to express the anger to.

So what can you actually do about it?

Channelling your anger out in a more productive way, such as through exercise, is one way.

However it can be helpful to actually acknowledge those things you’re angry about, or want to let go of, and creating a kind of ritual can help.

Here’s one I’ve used before:

Letting go ritual

  1. Start with a pack of post it notes, or just small pieces of paper, a pen and a jar, box or plastic bag.
  2. One at a time, write down the different things you are angry about, or simply want to let go of and leave behind.
  3. Crumple up the piece of paper.
  4. Read it out loud and put it into the jar, box or plastic bag with a clear intention: “I’m letting go of this”, “I’m done with this”, “This is now in the past” or similar.
  5. Continue, naming all the big and small things you can think of.
  6. Once you feel complete, leave the items somewhere you can see them for a few days and when you see the jar or whatever you used, remind yourself: I’ve let go of all that. If you think of new things to add, continue to add them.
  7. You might choose to burn or throw away the bits of paper when you feel completely done.

Personally, I found this process really healing and cleansing.

When we acknowledge and let go of feelings of anger and frustration, we make room for so much more love, peace and happiness.

What have you done to help let go of the past? How did it work for you?


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Using tapping or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)

Posted on May 6, 2012 by kerry

Self Help with EFT

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or tapping, is a technique you can use yourself to gently and effectively reduce fears, anxiety and address other concerns. It involves gently tapping on particular meridian end points.

Michelle McGrath shared in our Self Love e-course that she often uses tapping YouTube videos created by Brad Yates. Lots of our participants found the videos really helpful. Brad explains more about EFT in the above video.

So, how does EFT work?

The Tapping Solution describes it this way:

All negative emotions are felt through a disruption of the body’s energy. And physical pain and disease are intricately connected to negative emotions. Health problems create feedback – physical symptoms cause emotional distress, and unresolved emotional problems manifest themselves through physical symptoms. So, the body’s health must be approached as a whole. You cannot treat the symptoms without addressing the cause, and vice-versa.

The body, like everything in the universe, is composed of energy. Restore balance to the body’s energy, and you will mend the negative emotions and physical symptoms that stem from the energy disruption. Tapping restores the body’s energy balance, and negative emotions are conquered.

The basic technique requires you to focus on the negative emotion at hand: a fear or anxiety, a bad memory, an unresolved problem, or anything that’s bothering you. While maintaining your mental focus on this issue, use your fingertips to tap 5-7 times each on 12 of the body’s meridian points. Tapping on these meridian points – while concentrating on accepting and resolving the negative emotion – will access your body’s energy, restoring it to a balanced state.

You can sign up to the free Tapping Solution Summit here. The videos start on Monday 7th May and you get a couple a day for 10 days. They are only available for 24 hours after they are released (unless you upgrade) but it’s a good start.

Some free Brad Yates EFT videos

Here are some of Brad Yates’ EFT/tapping videos to get you started: Clearing Resistance, I can do it, Clearing fear and worry, Clearing fear and panic right now and Tapping into Universal Love. Otherwise search on YouTube to find one that’s right for your current situation.

It’s always great to have a range of self help tools you can use in times of stress, fear or anxiety. If you haven’t already tried tapping, perhaps give it a go now and see if it might be of benefit to you – the videos are all short, just 5-10 minutes, so it’s worth a try!

Have you tried tapping? How did it work for you?

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Manifesting what you want in your life

Posted on May 2, 2012 by kerry

Manifesting your goals

Many of us are aware of the power of manifestation, however it’s easy to get frustrated when we don’t seem to be creating the things we want in our lives. A few clients and friends lately have expressed this: “I’m doing all the right things, why aren’t I creating what I want?”

I found this video interview with Marie Forleo and Gabrielle Bernstein to be a good refresher.

Sometimes we think we’re doing all the Right Things but in reality, it might be that the frustration, anger, anxiety or whatever it is that we feel about not having achieved what we want is the very thing holding us back from achieving it.

We might feel we’ve Done Enough Work and are therefore somehow entitled to receive what we want. However getting stuck in thinking that obviously doesn’t get us too far. It may feel to be “true” but it’s not necessarily helpful in allowing us to move forwards.

I’m personally not entirely sure we can manifest anything we want but then maybe that’s just a limiting belief! However if we can get clear on the need or desire behind the goal, then we can certainly find ways to meet that and therefore experience the positive feelings we seek.

In fact, if we focus on allowing ourselves to feel the feelings we expect to feel if we achieve our goal … we of course allow ourselves to experience happiness right now in the moment, irrespective of whether we achieve the goal or not.

Getting into the flow

It’s not easy, but the more we can get into the energy of feeling how we’ll feel once we’ve achieved our goal, the easier and more quickly we can achieve it. In the video, Gabrielle quotes from A Course in Miracles:

“Miracles occur naturally and when they are not occurring, something has gone wrong.”

Gabrielle explains,

“That synchronicity, that flow, that effortless action, (feeling like) I was just thinking about that and it showed up, that’s the way life is supposed to be.

What happens is we get in the way. Our negative belief systems, our fears, our anxiety, our anger towards the past, future tripping and projecting. All of that energy gets in the way of allowing miracles to occur naturally.”

Steps to manifesting

These are the steps Gabrielle recommends to help manifest goals:

  1. Get very clear about what you desire. Check out the Dream Map kit below if you’d like some inspiration and creativity to help with this step.
  2. Get clear about all the ways you don’t believe that your goals are possible, all the negativity or limiting beliefs that might be blocking you. If you get stuck at this point, a Kinesiology appointment could be super helpful.
  3. Get into the know. Getting into the feeling of having what it is that you want. Check out the free mp3 link below for help with this step.
  4. Be patient. Be relaxed, released and allow: “Those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait and wait without anxiety.”

Getting creative with your goals  

If you’re visually oriented and like the idea of creating a dream map to help you really focus on your goals (and also clear obstacles!) then I can recommend Andrea Schroeder’s Create a Dream Map kit!

I bought it a few months ago and found it a really fun and creative way to get clear on my goals. I also upgraded and got a coaching session with Andrea to help clear blocks – it was great. I had to sleep for about two hours afterwards so I knew there was a lot shifting!

Getting into the feeling of achieving your goals

We know it’s helpful to feel the energy of achieving our goals but it can be difficult to visualise and focus in this way.

I’ve been listening to a great goal manifesting hypnosis mp3 (itunes link) by Joseph Clough each day lately and it’s a great way to really focus on all the feelings you’d feel if you’d achieved your current goals. It’s also available on Joseph’s free iPhone app.

Goals and Kinesiology

I am so lucky to get to work with so many clients who work on clearing the blocks that might be blocking them achieving their goals…

When a client works on a major goal such as changing jobs, meeting a partner, selling a property or business and change quickly follows, it can definitely seem almost miraculous!

Do you have any tips for manifesting goals? Do share!

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What are your rules for happiness?

Posted on April 19, 2012 by kerry

 

How easy is it for you to experience happiness in your life?

Does your happiness tend to be based on things you can control, or events that you have no control over?

It’s not something we always think about. We don’t necessarily consider that we have the choice to feel happy, whatever our current circumstances. Sometimes, we can get stuck thinking, “I will feel happy when….”

As Anthony Robbins says in Awaken the Giant Within,

“As long as we structure our lives in a way where our happiness is dependent on something we have no control over, then we will experience pain.”

At times, we might limit our definition of happiness so much that we feel that we can only feel happy if our very specific criteria is met.

I see this sometimes with clients and I’m sure nearly all of us have done this at some point in time.

We become so fixated on achieving one particular goal that we find it difficult to enjoy other aspects of our life.

However, if the goal is not within our control, and achieving it is our only (or main) criteria for happiness, the possibility that we are going to experience pain, or at least miss out on many (perhaps smaller) opportunities for happiness is pretty high.

Rather than this being about lowering your standards, Tony says you’re actually raising your standards:

“It means you’ll hold yourself to a higher standard of enjoying yourself despite the conditions of the moment. It means you’ve committed to being intelligent enough, flexible enough and creative enough to direct your focus and evaluations in a way that allows you to experience the true richness of life.”

Ask yourself, what needs to happen in order for me to feel good?

And then, check in and see whether what needs to happen to make you feel good is actually within your control.

If what you need to feel good is dependent on a) an external event you can’t control, b) the reaction of someone else, c) your environment being a certain way, or d) if it gives you lots of ways to “fail” and only one way to succeed, maybe you could consider re-thinking your rules.

Try asking yourself: how can I make it really easy for myself to feel good? 

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I was on the radio!

Posted on April 2, 2012 by kerry

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So, I was on the radio on Saturday! Talking about Kinesiology.

One of my clients asked me to do it.

I read her email and immediately thought NOOOO! but replied straight away, “Sure that would be great, let me know the details.”

I didn’t actually know what they would ask me in advance. I told a couple of people who listened in to the interview that piece of information afterwards and they were surprised, thinking I sounded prepared. Phew!

I’m actually really proud of the fact I was able to go with the flow and do the interview without having prepared responses as I definitely would NOT have had the confidence to even consider such a request in years gone by.

Luckily, Kinesiology is super easy to explain.

That, my friends, is a lie.

Explaining any form of therapy that is completely tailored to the needs of the individual is never easy and Kinesiology can easily sound completely “out there” if I’m not mindful.

I also need to remember that some things that sound really “normal” to me these days, don’t make immediate sense to an outsider:

“We use muscle testing to communicate with your body”

“We find stress that you may be holding on a physical, emotional or even spiritual level”

“The messages I get from your body determine how the session flows”

“Sometimes we clear stress from times in your past that might be relevant to now”

Wacky? Normal? It is what it is. I vary how I describe Kinesiology all the time. Even if my explanations are sometimes a bit off, it’s one of those things you tend to “get” once you’ve experienced it.

In any case, to me, my main responsibility is to help my clients get the best results they possibly can. I find Kinesiology hugely effective in doing that, which is why I have turned it into my career. If it sounds a little strange at times, I can live with that.

The difficulty in coming up with quick and easy descriptions is one of the reasons I share so much information on my website, so people can read as much as they need in order to get a feel for what to expect from a session.

A lot of my clients (maybe half?) come to see me after reading my website and they tend to have a good idea what to expect (the other half are referrals from existing clients).

Anyway, you can listen into the interview from here. I was on “Saturday Magazine” on Saturday 31st March. The interview probably starts around 45 or 50 mins into the recording.

I don’t mind sharing it but can’t bear to listen back myself!

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Loving yourself

Posted on March 28, 2012 by kerry

Loving yourself seems like such a light and fluffy thing.

Ha!

It’s really not.

Truly loving yourself does not mean being in denial about what you perceive to be your “negative points”.

It does not mean being full of yourself.

It does not mean that you’ll never “improve” your life or “achieve anything” because if you love yourself you’ll become complacent or lazy (people have expressed these fears to me).

It does mean seeing yourself clearly and choosing to love yourself anyway. Treating yourself with the same compassion you’d show a good friend.

Self love and acceptance come up for clients all the time in Kinesiology sessions.

“But how do I actually do that?” clients ask me all the time.

Although we explore this briefly when it comes up, it is a question that deserves a lot more reflection. Helping to answer it more thoroughly is one of the main reasons I created the Self Love e-course and I’ve interviewed some lovely and inspirational teachers who help answer this question too.

If you feel to, I’d love it if you’d join us!

The course starts on Monday 16th April and the early bird special finishes on the 31st March. A wonderful group is forming.

Kate James talks about connecting to your purpose in the course. Here are some of Kate’s thoughts on ways to love, or be kind to yourself:

1. Treat your body like a luxury car  If you’ve ever been lucky enough to drive a beautiful car, chances are you took great care of it. There’s nothing more precious than your own physical wellbeing so learn to treat your body with the utmost care. Eat quality food, in just the right quantities, and maintain your good health with regular exercise and other things that fill your soul.

2. Be your own best friend – give up self-criticism  Spend an hour or two paying attention to that little voice inside your head (it’s the one we call the ‘inner critic’). That voice can be pretty vicious at times. Learn to also develop a stronger ‘inner ally’ – the opposing force that can be your greatest supporter. Just as you would treat a friend kindly when things aren’t going well, your inner ally is the one who says ‘don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re doing okay’.

Read the rest over at Kate’s Change Project site.

Michelle McGrath’s talks about her self love journey in the course. Here’s a quick insight into what she’s learnt about self love:

Now I understand what self-love means for me – it’s self-responsibility.   This is vital.  Accepting and acknowledging that only I can be responsible for my own happiness and fulfilment.  No-one else can do that for me.  No-one.  It’s up to me.  And you.  Are you ready to make a commitment to yourself to take care of your needs?  The most important step on our self-love journey.

Read the rest of Michelle’s post over at Sacred Self.

Read more about the Self Love e-course here.

What does self love mean for you?

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Shades of green

Posted on March 21, 2012 by kerry

I don’t know about you, but when I’m going through a stressful time, it’s easy to get stuck in my head.

One of the things that really works for me is to spend some time in nature. The other day, the weather was glorious, and I took a walk to the Botanical Gardens.

I’m doing Susannah Conway’s lovely Blogging from the Heart class at the moment and one of the early exercises was to take five photos with a colour theme.

“This, I can do,” I thought to myself.

As I walked around the gardens my focus was simple: “Is it green? Excellent. I’ll take a photo of that.”

It really was quite therapeutic.

The stresses in my life at the moment have nothing to do with my business and are really quite outside of my personal control, although I’m heavily affected. Like many of us, I battle when I don’t feel in control.

Even though feeling vulnerable is so very human and according to Brene Brown, it’s what makes us beautiful.

I’m having to call on all of my inner and outer resources to stay as balanced and clear as I possibly can and right at this moment I’m doing pretty well.

I can often tell how balanced I’m feeling by how stable and balanced my business is and at the moment my business is thriving, with lots of beautiful clients getting wonderful results.

For me, it has been the little things I do; several yoga classes a week, exercising, eating well, meditating, using oils, taking flower essences, being mindful (this was basically a mindfulness exercise) and of course Kinesiology sessions, that are making the difference.

After I’d taken my photos, I lay on the grass for ages. It was the most stunning day. As I looked at the sky I had to ask myself, “Even with all the stress that’s around me, is there anything at all wrong with this moment?”

And there wasn’t.

It was perfect.

If you’re feeling stressed and need to get out of your head, maybe try this exercise, just choosing a colour and taking yourself on a walk to take some photos featuring that colour. If you do, let me know how you go!

Anything else that works for you when you’re really stressed?

Oh! And if you want to sign up for the Self Love e-course, the early bird is available til the 31st of March. Hope you’ll join us!

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Doing the inner AND the outer work

Posted on March 11, 2012 by kerry

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Sometimes, we can feel like we are doing so much work to create change in our lives, and yet nothing is happening.

There is a missing piece.

It might be that we’re doing an enormous amount of inner work. We’re reflecting, journalling, meditating and maybe even having Kinesiology sessions.

If we’re not seeing the changes we want there’s a good chance that we’re
a) not noticing/valuing the changes that are occurring
b) not following up with actions that will help create what we really want

Internal work ALONE often isn’t enough.

Jo Anna talks about this on a recent post at the Receiving Project,

There were occasions…many upon many, that I sat and wondered why.  Why I was working so hard on myself and couldn’t see the results?…

I figured that since I had been working so damn hard…so diligently, that the universe was bound to reward me.  My intentions were set. My vision clear. I meditated. I prayed.  I asked for what I wanted. I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out what was missing. What was I doing wrong?

Nothing.  I was doing nothing. My work was all internal. Shifting the structure of who I am.  Digging deep into my psyche. Into my soul.  All important. All valuable. And all inside.  The rewards were a greater sense of clarity.  More joy. Increased self-care and self-love.  Amazing things.  And yet, I kept over looking them all.  They were not the prizes I had been hoping for…

Inner work is amazing. Necessary. Incredible valuable. It enhances our ability to create physical, tangible results in the world.  But only real world action will create real world results.

On the other hand, if you’re doing a lot of actions and yet don’t seem to be getting the results you want, then there’s a good chance that there’s some internal work to do.

That’s where self alignment or a Kinesiology session might be helpful.

And then, as you come more into alignment with yourself, change can often happen really quickly.

What about you, do you tend towards doing more internal or external work when you’re trying to create change? Or do you find you have a good balance between the two?

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Trusting yourself

Posted on February 26, 2012 by kerry

Learning to trust yourself is a gradual process.

Part of the process of learning to trust ourselves is the recognition that we really do know what is best for us. Even if someone has been through something similar. Even if they’d love to offer their advice. We can listen of course, but the final decision really must rest with us.

I liked what Sarah K Jones had to say about this in a recent blog post, Remembering to trust myself, where she talks about taking the advice of someone else and then having to live with the consequences,

I have remembered that when others give their opinion and thoughts, especially if they have had a similar experience, I will ultimately be met with an offering laced with their exclusive personal knowledge.. that isn’t necessarily true for me.

It’s so easy to take on what others think as being our own thoughts or opinion. Its so easy to be swept up in another’s impassioned response to a situation.

It’s so easy to just agree, out of a desire to make the confusion simply GO AWAY. Its so easy to opt out of trying to figure it out for myself and hope that someone else will have the quick fix answer for me, all wrapped up nicely and ready for swift application to said confusion.

I have to keep asking myself, “But, what about what I really feel? What is real for ME?” Do I agree with this other person because I should, because I love them, because it sounds like they know what they are talking about, because every other time they have been ‘right’???

Sarah shares SO many wonderful thoughts on intuition and how to learn to trust yourself in our Self Love e-course.

Connecting to and trusting your intuition can’t really be separated from believing in yourself. Our belief in ourselves can also be greatly influenced by those around us, especially those times where we might have friendship issues or problems.

Kate James talks about the process she went through in learning to believe in herself in a recent post,

We are hard-wired to seek a connection with others. For those of us who are more sensitive or who have low self-esteem (as I did for many years), rejection is simply further validation that we’re not good enough.

At the heart of everything we do, is the need to belong. We want to be accepted, to feel loved. We suspect that when we’re not creating those connections that there’s something very wrong with us.

It took me many years to understand that what I had created was a vicious cycle. In order to feel worthy, I needed to believe in myself. And in order to do that, I had to be willing to set boundaries and stand up for myself (even if it meant some conflict or letting go of a friend or two).

I needed to make peace with the fact that no matter how much I tried, I would never be able to completely avoid conflict and that there would be some people in life who disliked me regardless of what I did.

Of course, Kate is another of the presenters in our Self Love e-course. A wonderful group is forming, will you be joining us?

How have you learnt to trust and believe in yourself?

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Noticing how you feel

Posted on February 26, 2012 by kerry

Sometimes, especially when we’re anxious, our feelings can seem quite overwhelming. They might feel muddled, or unclear.

Feelings of anxiety can start to compound; you might start to become anxious about feeling anxious. It might be that there isn’t a real reason why you’re feeling a particular feeling at that moment.

If you ever notice that happening, something to try can simply be to bring your attention right into the present moment. Take some deep breaths.

And then, simply start noticing and naming what it is that you feel.

You can name both physical sensations and emotions. Take your time and just continue to observe what it is that you notice, without judgement.

For example,

“I’m noticing that I feel … angry, I feel heat in my chest, I feel sad, there’s some fear, my neck hurts, I’m noticing that I wish I didn’t feel like this, I feel tightness in my throat, I feel disappointed….”

The goal of the process is not to “rid yourself” of the feelings you have, but simply to observe them.

However, you might notice, that simply by moving into the role of observer, the emotions and sensations may well decrease, and can often seem to have less power over you.

In the same way that getting “poetic, lyrical and abstract” can open up our creativity in describing how we want to feel, simply naming feelings that we may otherwise experience as unpleasant or uncomfortable can help defuse them.

This simple process of mindfully observing how you feel is the very first part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). You can read more over at Dr Russ Harris’ site, ACT Mindfully, and I’ll write more about it soon.

If you want to go a step further than just observing your feelings, go read this post I wrote about feeling your feelings. It describes another helpful process you might wish to try.

Of course, Kinesiology sessions can give you the perfect opportunity to explore, acknowledge and also help release uncomfortable emotions. So often clients feel a sense of lightness and freedom at the end of a session. Often, they’ll even look different! It’s really wonderful to see.

Why not take a moment and try the process yourself now? What is it that you are feeling?

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